just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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