Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize