so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
