i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize