i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
