I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
