he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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