I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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