Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?