He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.