i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died