my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
