3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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