i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she peed on how many people?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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