How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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