What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
