Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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