It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
