i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize