It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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