so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize