Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
