you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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