did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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