i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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