bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
