we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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