It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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