omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My bed smells like the plague
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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