pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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