Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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