Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
