The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?