I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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