Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize