i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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