last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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