All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life