Wipe that smile off your face.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.