come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
