i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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