I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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