I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
