He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
