Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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