plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack