hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"