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dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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