I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle