and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.