It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How does one acquire holy water?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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