my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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