dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you had me at cake vodka
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
