I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize