And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
