"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
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I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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