Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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